It's 4:14 am. I can't sleep. I tried breathing from my toes up to the top of my head, but my mind just kept swirling and swirling. After a while, I gave in and decided to do "awake" things. Like most Wednesdays this winter, I had a scheduled workout for which the weather is not… Continue reading Confusion, followed by anxiety and fear
Whether you use these specific resources or not, the main thing I want you to know is that pain is a great indicator that you need to pay attention, but it doesn't always mean that you have to give up. You just have to work for it. No one can just run free without pain or injury if they don't do the work to keep their body balanced and maintained.
On realizing my potential: I don't know what I'm capable of and I want to find out. I, like so many others, have wasted many years waiting until the conditions were right to do things, and they never are. The time to start is now, whatever that looks like. So, I decided to work with a coach.
I'm not ready because I wore my body down little by little with every race after which I did not allow space for recovery. I'm not ready because I refused to miss an opportunity to take advantage of the warm, beautiful weather. I'm not ready because I never go to bed early enough for the 3:30 am wake up calls, and the sleep deprivation is compounding. I am not ready because I am depleted. Every run seems to feel more fatigued than the last, to the detriment of my attitude, my enjoyment and the quality of my company for those I run with. I am tired of feeling slow and weak. I am tired of tripping and falling on the trail. The only way to correct these things is not to push harder, but to pull back.
For what it's worth, it is NOT advisable for two adult humans to sleep in the back of a Subaru with the seats folded "flat" at a trail head where 100 other people are "sleeping". Though it is totally comfortable enough to eat Pad Thai and play Head's Up.
So – what happens after mile 30? Does a secret door open up to a magical universe where fairies ride on the tips of unicorn horns, the secrets of life whispering forth from the flap, flap, flap of their wings? Nope. It was pretty much just more running and more pain and more joy.
...the goal has been achieved and no matter where you sit, some pointy rock edge is jamming you in the ass - it gets cold and windy and chances are a storm will roll in before too long. Before the journey down the mountain is even over, you find yourself already craving another and reminiscing about the journey up, almost wishing you were still headed in that direction.
As I saw Nikki Kimball running towards me, I had a surreal moment. In the split second that felt like minutes, I at once saw the progress I'd made both physically and mentally over the last three years and it hit me that I was running and running well on the same course as the person who inspired this pastime of mine.
Currently, I'm staring down the race schedule that somehow snuck up on me in the midst of all this. I never did get on a specific training plan, but for the last couple of months I've averaged 160 mi // 35,000' gainz, so I haven't been grossly neglecting the miles or the vert - just the speed-work and hill repeats that are critical to a solid performance. smh
Self-worth, for those of us not innately blessed with it, has to be and more importantly, can be earned.