Identifying fear-based behavior is a necessary step toward choosing healthier action. That is my motivation for sharing this very personal, yet not-all-that unique part of myself with you.
"When fishermen can't go to sea, they repair the nets. Let the constraints of the time serve you in righting your relationship to your Self. Be mindful that rectification must come before progress. And as always, consider the uses of adversity."
I'm not ready because I wore my body down little by little with every race after which I did not allow space for recovery. I'm not ready because I refused to miss an opportunity to take advantage of the warm, beautiful weather. I'm not ready because I never go to bed early enough for the 3:30 am wake up calls, and the sleep deprivation is compounding. I am not ready because I am depleted. Every run seems to feel more fatigued than the last, to the detriment of my attitude, my enjoyment and the quality of my company for those I run with. I am tired of feeling slow and weak. I am tired of tripping and falling on the trail. The only way to correct these things is not to push harder, but to pull back.
Like stress, a certain level of comparison is healthy, but go a hair beyond that and it quickly turns toxic. Comparison used as a tool to assign value is the real culprit.
If you're a human adult, you've certainly encountered all of these things and probably taken them a bit too personally a time or two. If you're me, you have become intimately familiar with each one of them, like a trio of sister-wives.
I promised that for every comment anyone made committing themselves to doing something they were afraid of, I would join one RMR run this year. Well, this week I attended the first one facing that all too familiar fear of "I'm not good enough".
This might come as a surprise, or not, depending on how long you've known me, but while laughter and playfulness have always come naturally to me, optimism for the future has not...
On December 30th, I wrote that post on goals, fully intending to sign up for the Mount Hood 50k as my annual destination race. My schedule was coming together nicely...
How many stories have you heard about people who waited to join a running group until they were already "in shape", for fear of being judged, rejected or ridiculed? We all fail to show up, both literally and figuratively, because of this fear...