Re-calibration and redemption

It’s no secret.  I’ve been flailing.

Anyone close to me lately has seen the signs that I lost my way.  I can’t stop thinking about my last blog post – although it contains many complete sentences, it feels completely incoherent.  I’m leaving it up to demonstrate that sometimes it’s hard to stay focused on the right and positive things, to demonstrate my humanity.  The funny thing is, that post took me forever to write and edit and write again, while this one is just flowing out of me.  A sign that I’m on the right path.

This is the natural course of these big lessons in resistance.  As the pace of change has quickened in my life, I have been resisting instead of remaining open and vulnerable. As a result, I’ve experienced a lot of darkness, confusion, grasping for control, the going down of rabbit holes and general overall emotional flailing.  While my unconscious has been busy processing all the disruption in my life, my ego went hog wild, partying and breaking valuables.  It’s not all that surprising, but while I was in it, I just knew I was miserable and couldn’t figure out how to get out of it.  That’s when I remembered.  I have a say in the matter.

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