Dirty 30 part one – personal lessons from my first ultra

One of the main drivers behind my desire to run ultras is curiosity.  Come to think of it, the main driver behind most everything I do is curiosity…

After reading Born to Run about 7 years ago, the book that introduced me to the concept of both trail running and ultra running, I became fascinated with the topic.  I was living in Atlanta and ran mostly road, topping out at about 5 miles.  I had no idea that I would move to Boulder or run ultras.  By the time I decided to move out to Colorado, I was completely captivated by trail running and trail runners – I had visions of bumping into Scott Jurek every time I went for coffee and becoming BFFs.  Well, I have run into him several times, but I’m pretty sure he just thinks I’m a creep…  Turns out he’s not the only trail runner in this town and I’ve made a good few trail friends here, most of whom can confirm that I’m not a creep…

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Re-calibration and redemption

It’s no secret.  I’ve been flailing.

Anyone close to me lately has seen the signs that I lost my way.  I can’t stop thinking about my last blog post – although it contains many complete sentences, it feels completely incoherent.  I’m leaving it up to demonstrate that sometimes it’s hard to stay focused on the right and positive things, to demonstrate my humanity.  The funny thing is, that post took me forever to write and edit and write again, while this one is just flowing out of me.  A sign that I’m on the right path.

This is the natural course of these big lessons in resistance.  As the pace of change has quickened in my life, I have been resisting instead of remaining open and vulnerable. As a result, I’ve experienced a lot of darkness, confusion, grasping for control, the going down of rabbit holes and general overall emotional flailing.  While my unconscious has been busy processing all the disruption in my life, my ego went hog wild, partying and breaking valuables.  It’s not all that surprising, but while I was in it, I just knew I was miserable and couldn’t figure out how to get out of it.  That’s when I remembered.  I have a say in the matter.

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Rejection. Failure. Loss.

Nobody wants to deal with any of these, but if you’re a human adult, you’ve certainly encountered all of these things and probably taken them a bit too personally a time or two.  If you’re me, you have become intimately familiar with each one of them, like a trio of sister-wives.

Continue reading Rejection. Failure. Loss.