life, Trail Running

“I wish it was only a stress fracture” and other laments of a chronically injured piece of shit

I was holding off on writing anything until I had answers, until I had my head straight, until I was out of emotional and diagnostic limbo. But that's not going to happen any time soon - or maybe ever, honestly. I have spent the last couple of months spiraling down to some really dark places… Continue reading “I wish it was only a stress fracture” and other laments of a chronically injured piece of shit

women hiking
life, Trail Running

Everybody is fighting their own battle and we’re all in this together

Injury is isolating. Undiagnosed injury or illness is trying. Seeking diagnosis during a pandemic-induced shelter-in-place order is bringing up the deepest of feels. I know things could be worse, but that doesn't negate the darkness creeping in, which I typically keep at bay with regular physical activity.

life, Trail Running

Note to Self

As it relates to the aforementioned failure, I'm about to admit some things that are highly personal, kind of embarrassing and likely to be perceived negatively. But they are feelings influencing my current reality. I can't change them without acknowledging them, so here goes….

life, Trail Running

Why are you doing it, then?

"Will you win?" This was the question my 7 year old niece asked when I told her about an upcoming race. Upon answering with a definitive "no", she inquired further, "why are you doing it, then?" Why, indeed. I do it for emotional stability, physical health, to connect with nature, to work towards a goal,… Continue reading Why are you doing it, then?

mountains, vistas, woman on mountain, trail runner, trail running, hiking, hiker, colorado, boulder
life, Trail Running

Making strides

Currently, I'm staring down the race schedule that somehow snuck up on me in the midst of all this. I never did get on a specific training plan, but for the last couple of months I've averaged 160 mi // 35,000' gainz, so I haven't been grossly neglecting the miles or the vert - just the speed-work and hill repeats that are critical to a solid performance. smh

thunderstorm, summer, ominous sky, clouds, sunshine, boulder, colorado
life

Re-calibration and redemption

While my unconscious has been busy processing all the disruption in my life, my ego went hog wild, partying and breaking valuables. It's not all that surprising, but while I was in it, I just knew I was miserable and couldn't figure out how to get out of it. That's when I remembered. I have a say in the matter.

boulder, colorado, mountains, sun, solar flare, trails, hiking, trail running
life, Trail Running

Craving leads to suffering, suffering leads to craving pizza

In this era of vision boards and manifesting our desires, how is it different to 'create the life that I want' versus being attached to outcome? I once felt I had a handle on this concept, but as I contemplate it now, it seems to me it's a matter of how much control one has over the outcome that dictates how much suffering attachment creates.